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Learn to be HAPPY being SINGLE! | This is YOUR TIME!

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining
me for another video my name is Stephanie I am a life and relationship
coach if you are not a subscriber to this channel don’t forget to click on
the subscribe button down below and click on post notifications so you can
receive an update every time I do upload a new video so this week I want to dive
into being okay with being single and I have a lot of people on social media or
clients that really struggle with this and I know it’s something that a lot of
people have a tough time with it’s like on one hand the minute they get single
they’re like I’m single yeah and they kind of embrace it and then it gets to a
certain point where they don’t embrace it anymore and it becomes something that
they’re either fearful of or they’re not really enjoying being single because we
can’t force ourselves to be in relationships I mean I guess we kind of
can but they would probably be unhealthy or toxic one so we won’t always pick the
best partner so while we are single how can we be okay with it and how can we be
really authentically happy in the space that you’re in right now so one of the
things that I want to talk about is the pressures that our society puts on us
and unfortunately whether you go to the movies whether you watch something on TV
everything talks about being in a relationship
Valentine’s Day is obsessed with the idea not just of love and people want to
say well it’s about love yes it actually is about love but unfortunately the way
it’s marketed it’s about couples linking up and so there’s so much pressure
either from our society from television from our family and friends hey I just
want you to meet someone good and settle down with I just want you to meet a nice
girl and be okay I want you to find a nice man that’ll take care of you and
and you know you can get married and blah blah blah so because of all of
these pressures that are put on us we sometimes feel like something’s wrong
with us you know we we have this pressure that we should be in a
relationship we should get married by certain age we should have kids we
should do this this is where I should be at this point in my life and because of
all of those stories it allows us to not be okay when we’re not at that phase of
life right when that hasn’t actually happened for us
yeah so when we are single we aren’t really enjoying being single the other
thing is because of the world we live in and social media it’s very easy for us
to just go on Instagram and see all of the happy couples that are together and
you know couples goals and just all of these images of perhaps family or
friends or even strangers that are getting proposed to and just all of this
smoke and mirrors basically all of this sunshine but we don’t really expose on
social media the arguments the fights and unhealthy relationships the
difficult times that couples have to go through we don’t really expose that so
unfortunately we’re just constantly seeing again more pressure that oh I
want this oh look at this and it puts this void
sometimes in ourselves that why don’t I have that why haven’t I ever had that am
I ever going to get that and that’s when all of these fear-based stories kind of
start so it’s not to say that people that display happiness on social media
actually aren’t happy but they possibly are in those moments but they also we
don’t tend to show the difficult stuff that we go through and that not every
relationships perfect and sometimes it’s easy for us to look at those images of
our friends or whoever even strangers and feel that jealousy of like oh I want
that and I don’t have that right coming from that lack first it always starts
with self-worth so for me being okay with being single was the fact that I
knew because I deserved it that I would meet someone at some point in my life
and I knew that I had to learn how to really love myself and be my own best
friend and I had to understand what that meant and what that meant was if you’re
not okay with being single that means that you don’t know how to mentally
emotionally physically and spiritually take care of yourself that’s basically
what that means you haven’t learned how to be your own best friend you haven’t
learned how to be your own support system now are there gonna be times when
you’re gonna feel lonely feel like you want connection with
person absolutely are there gonna be times when you would love a good spoon
absolutely like your human being but for the most part all of the things that
you’re craving attention validation going out a best friend that’s a go-to
that I’m never alone right someone to go to Christmas parties with or spend
Valentine’s Day with whatever it is all of that is because of the stories that
you tell yourself and because you haven’t learned how to like I said take
care of yourself emotionally mentally physically and spiritually so when you
look at those four categories think of this person that you want to meet
someday and think of all of these areas mentally emotionally
what will your partner give you in those areas and are you given those to
yourself right now so for me of course I always wanted to meet someone that would
be my biggest cheerleader someone that would like validate me encouraged me
support me motivate me but I could never find that until I learned how to do it
for myself and a lot of that has to do with your self-talk and a lot of that
has to do with self parenting and that’s what I teach day in and day out so being
okay with being single is more than embracing your single self and travel
and get out there more yes all of those things are so so important if you don’t
have the relationships in your life that you would like to have then it’s your
responsibility to put yourself out there and form new relationships whether
that’s you getting out of your comfort zone to ask the girl that you work with
hey you want to grab a drink after work or maybe some time you want to grab
dinner or you know going on dates you can totally go on dates and still enjoy
being single but looking at dates as another social Channel versus like
something is this the guy is this is this gonna be our first date is this guy
I’m gonna marry is this you know all of that pressure rather than just saying
okay I’m on a date with someone we’ll see what happens but I’m just trying to
have a good time I’m trying to just like in the moment and embrace life and
that’s another thing that’s really huge is being in the moment so when you’re
living in the moment when you’re practicing mindfulness that is where
happiness lives because you’re not thinking about yesterday and you know
worried about tomorrow whenever we’re not in the moment we’re not practicing
mindfulness we are constantly thinking about the past or worrying about the
future and worrying about the future or all the what-ifs that’s all the fear
even you know focusing on the past getting angry and not forgiving someone
for past wrongs or holding on to what someone did to you in your past and
having that trickle into like new relationships all of that stuff is
literally in the past and it has no it should have no business in your future
and being aware of again where are all my wounds and what do they look like and
why do I have them and where do they come from that way when you get
triggered in life you know oh this is coming from what happened to me three
years ago and this is why I’m overreacting right now this is why I’m
not taking responsibility for what I think and how I feel and I’m putting it
on someone else and I’m projecting this is why I am projecting with this new guy
that I’m dating who I want him to be because maybe I don’t know what I want
maybe I don’t know how I want to be treated or if I do maybe I don’t think
that it really exists and maybe I’m settling so learning about yourself this
period in your life is the best place to be because this will allow you to become
the person that you need to be in order to attract what it is that you say you
want and that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you right now but
self-improvement self-development is a continuous process
process we’re always growing we’re always in new experiences and so
learning okay how can I take better care of myself
that’s basically what self-development is what am I not giving myself that I
know I could be doing better at do I not talk to myself in a nice way
do I not validate how I feel do I shame myself do I make myself feel guilty for
doing certain things am i nervous to put myself out there because I have a fear
that maybe no one will like me so working on that that’s why I always say
self parenting is huge it literally is it affects every area of
your life that’s mental health right there is how you talk to yourself how do
you handle that lonely Tuesday night I always say
the conversations you have inside are either going to help you or they’re
gonna hurt you and any fear-based negative conversation number one is not
reality it’s a fear that you have and you can either feed the fear or you can
tell the fear to bug off because the fear isn’t real
the fear is just a story that you created for whatever reason you know
what mom and dad downloaded into you when you were a kid experiences that you
had growing up it really doesn’t even matter at this point just acknowledging
where the fear is oh here comes fear oh here comes some negative self-talk how
do we get rid of those things learning how to self parent like I always say
doing affirmations doing meditations practicing being in the moment when
you’re in the moment even when you have an anxiety even when you’re feeling
nervous or anxious I always tell myself there’s nothing to fear in this moment
in this moment nothing is happening that I should be fearful of there’s not
a fire someone’s not trying to break in my house there’s not a tornado down the
road there’s nothing for me to worry I don’t have to you know have my
retirement already set up in my account right now like there’s nothing there’s
just this moment that that we’re in and when we’re working on these small
moments and embracing life where we are regardless of your status that’s
happiness that will allow you to go on dates that will allow you to be
confident that will allow you to be authentically happy so I could have
definitely made this video and given you all the reasons why you shouldn’t
embrace your single self and hey go out with your girlfriends and hey go get a
makeover and spend some money on a new wardrobe and go to the gym and get into
better shape and all those things are really huge don’t get me wrong and
they’re really important because being single it’s actually a great great point
in your life because it allows you to be extremely selfish and when I was single
and I was single for four years that was my time to do whatever I wanted I didn’t
have to keep the TV on if I wanted to shut it off before I went to bed I could
stay up as late as I wanted to and no one was like hey you’re gonna
to bed it was just none of that it was just my time and so I utilized it as
much as I could and even on years where you know my birthday is in January and I
live in Boston and there’s always a snowstorm I would plan every birthday
party and I would invite whoever I loved and cared about whether it was two
people or ten people and I would say hey anyone want to come and whoever came was
great but I knew regardless if it was one person or no people and I was home
that night that I was gonna have a good time so I think it’s all about
perspective it’s all about your attitude it’s all about how you view things and
it’s also about the stories you tell yourself and what stories you choose to
believe so I hope that that has helped you if you have liked this video please
comment down below and give it a thumbs up share it with anyone who you think
would possibly benefit from this information don’t forget to also hit
subscribe and I will see you next week

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